Depending on the situation I do something I call mummy monster, I pretend I'm changing into t-rex or something and I get to scream (maybe not as much as I need) and she thinks there is a fun game happening which has also helped deescalate the situation/tantrum
I learned a trick of "voiceless screaming" once. I was on an event with a lot of people, so I locked myself in the bathroom, and made the facial expressions of screaming my lungs out, without actually making the noise. It was suprisingly effective - I felt my muscles tense and relax between the screams, and in few minutes I felt much, much better.
Just had a call with my sister this week who felt awful for losing her temper with her toddler recently. I've forwarded this on to show her she's not alone! Toddler/parenting life sounds really tough and I'm in awe of the patience and tolerance some parents have.
Also, love the audio version of the newsletter btw. I normally listen rather than read it as I'm on the move 😊
Toddler mom here (our kids are almost the same age I believe!) and I get so IMPATIENT doing bedtime when they just want to do one more thing, one more thing, one more thing and all I want to do is be alone... Ouf. I try to remind myself that they will indeed eventually be asleep even if it's hard to believe 😅 other times I straight up tell them I'm feeling frustrated because I'm tired and want to sleep and I ask "what do we do when we're feeling frustrated or angry?" Their go-to is smacking pillows so then we hit and throw some pillows on the floor together and have a laugh about it ❤️
Instead of going to a ‘happy place’ I go to an ‘angry place’, somewhere I had felt angry and had been able to release it and try to relive it in my mind. At Olivia Rodrigo’s show she has a part in the set during ‘All American Bitch’ where she facilitates a big primal scream, so that’s where I go. It’s not perfect but it’s a way to feel the feels enough that they don’t feel ignored.
Ah man, we have ALL been there! I felt better/less guilty when I realized that I'm not *logically* actually angry with my child in these moments - I understand that they're a toddler and don't have adult capabilities. The anger is literally just a reaction from my nervous system, in other words, it lives in the body, not the mind. That's why those tips for completing the stress cycle work! I also read somewhere that really strong emotions usually only last about 45 seconds, so I tell myself I just need to hold out for that long without yelling. A glass of water helps with this too - you can't really be angry and drink water at the same time.
My biggest strategy for dealing with autistic and/or emotional overwhelm is stimming – ideally with a squishy stim toy I have in my bag/on my desk, but even finding a small repetitive motion to do over and over with intention can help ground me. If it's a situation where I can put my big headphones on, they help reduce sensory inputs, and putting on an episode of my comfort podcast can really help. But I'm also deliberately building a life where I don't have to stay in situations where I'm overwhelmed and where I can step away to meet my own emotional/autistic needs when I need to. (I obviously realise that's not a thing you can do when you have a child, and it's definitely been a factor in why I've made some of the big choices in my life, like living alone, etc.)
So glad you are caught up on Only Murders! I’m so excited for season 5! Have you read Thursday Murder Club Yet? I’m on the second in the series and it gives big Only Murders Vibes!
This is so timely for me! I had a moment just like this it was like an eerie calm rage that overtook me and I had to do something about it, so I removed myself from my toddler and did the same frustration yell and punched a pillow, it was so out of character for me to do I was soooo hard on myself for it. My daughter asked me where I went and I told her I got frustrated and had a big feeling so I needed to take a deep breath, and she looked at me and said “I have big feelings too, can I give you a big hug” and I just cried from relief that my kid gets to have her big feelings in a safe way and I get to heal my inner child along the way and be a messy human mom too😭 there is so much grace!
Omg this is the sweetest thing. These moments are so important for them to witness too. I have a small baby now but really hope to have the capacity to do this as well when I get to the toddler years!
Depending on the situation I do something I call mummy monster, I pretend I'm changing into t-rex or something and I get to scream (maybe not as much as I need) and she thinks there is a fun game happening which has also helped deescalate the situation/tantrum
this is a genius idea
I learned a trick of "voiceless screaming" once. I was on an event with a lot of people, so I locked myself in the bathroom, and made the facial expressions of screaming my lungs out, without actually making the noise. It was suprisingly effective - I felt my muscles tense and relax between the screams, and in few minutes I felt much, much better.
ooooh I can feel myself relax just thinking about doing this
Just had a call with my sister this week who felt awful for losing her temper with her toddler recently. I've forwarded this on to show her she's not alone! Toddler/parenting life sounds really tough and I'm in awe of the patience and tolerance some parents have.
Also, love the audio version of the newsletter btw. I normally listen rather than read it as I'm on the move 😊
I love doing the audio bit! I wish more of the newsletters I subscribed to have them as I definitely have more time for listening than reading atm
Toddler mom here (our kids are almost the same age I believe!) and I get so IMPATIENT doing bedtime when they just want to do one more thing, one more thing, one more thing and all I want to do is be alone... Ouf. I try to remind myself that they will indeed eventually be asleep even if it's hard to believe 😅 other times I straight up tell them I'm feeling frustrated because I'm tired and want to sleep and I ask "what do we do when we're feeling frustrated or angry?" Their go-to is smacking pillows so then we hit and throw some pillows on the floor together and have a laugh about it ❤️
that's cute! omg I feel you on the bedtime thing, end of the day and your patience is running real low by that point too
Instead of going to a ‘happy place’ I go to an ‘angry place’, somewhere I had felt angry and had been able to release it and try to relive it in my mind. At Olivia Rodrigo’s show she has a part in the set during ‘All American Bitch’ where she facilitates a big primal scream, so that’s where I go. It’s not perfect but it’s a way to feel the feels enough that they don’t feel ignored.
incredible
Ah man, we have ALL been there! I felt better/less guilty when I realized that I'm not *logically* actually angry with my child in these moments - I understand that they're a toddler and don't have adult capabilities. The anger is literally just a reaction from my nervous system, in other words, it lives in the body, not the mind. That's why those tips for completing the stress cycle work! I also read somewhere that really strong emotions usually only last about 45 seconds, so I tell myself I just need to hold out for that long without yelling. A glass of water helps with this too - you can't really be angry and drink water at the same time.
drinking water really is the answer to so many of life's problems
My biggest strategy for dealing with autistic and/or emotional overwhelm is stimming – ideally with a squishy stim toy I have in my bag/on my desk, but even finding a small repetitive motion to do over and over with intention can help ground me. If it's a situation where I can put my big headphones on, they help reduce sensory inputs, and putting on an episode of my comfort podcast can really help. But I'm also deliberately building a life where I don't have to stay in situations where I'm overwhelmed and where I can step away to meet my own emotional/autistic needs when I need to. (I obviously realise that's not a thing you can do when you have a child, and it's definitely been a factor in why I've made some of the big choices in my life, like living alone, etc.)
So glad you are caught up on Only Murders! I’m so excited for season 5! Have you read Thursday Murder Club Yet? I’m on the second in the series and it gives big Only Murders Vibes!
I just finished it today - loved!
This is so timely for me! I had a moment just like this it was like an eerie calm rage that overtook me and I had to do something about it, so I removed myself from my toddler and did the same frustration yell and punched a pillow, it was so out of character for me to do I was soooo hard on myself for it. My daughter asked me where I went and I told her I got frustrated and had a big feeling so I needed to take a deep breath, and she looked at me and said “I have big feelings too, can I give you a big hug” and I just cried from relief that my kid gets to have her big feelings in a safe way and I get to heal my inner child along the way and be a messy human mom too😭 there is so much grace!
omg that is such a cute/sweet thing of her to say!
Omg this is the sweetest thing. These moments are so important for them to witness too. I have a small baby now but really hope to have the capacity to do this as well when I get to the toddler years!