Why We’re Not Showing Our Baby’s Face Online
He's so cute, I want to show everyone how cute my baby is but his privacy is more important
Hi there,
When I was pregnant Dan and I started having conversations about what we were and weren’t willing to share of our baby online. A conversation that I honestly believe should be a requirement in this day and age but it felt more urgent for us considering my job involves sharing elements of my own life online. We came to the conclusion that we felt comfortable sharing bits of life with the baby online, with the focus being on me but with the baby’s face covered and only sharing their first name. I’m glad we decided all this before Rowan came into the world because with the rules in place it was much easier to resist the urges to turn my instagram into a my baby fan account screaming to thousands of people, “look! look! my baby is so cute and perfect!” 😍
We also had to have serious conversations with family about the rules around not sharing the baby’s face online which took a little explaining of “no, not even on your private facebook account” but generally everyone understood and got on board pretty quickly. But why? Why all the drama and the fuss?
Well there are plenty of reasons, some more low stakes but some are pretty fucking serious and there are some really high stakes. But essentially for us it boiled down to privacy, safety, consent and autonomy.
I imagine my younger teenage self as the internet and social media were taking form trying to carve out an identity for myself on MySpace and Facebook. Carefully curating my photos, profile pics, top friends, music and statuses. And then imagine trying to do all that when there’s already a 13 year digital footprint of my whole life that I had no control or say over but it’s out there forever attached to my name.
As Rowan’s parents, we want him to be able to make his own decisions when he’s older about what kind of online presence he has. We don’t want people in his IRL life to be able to google his name and find hundreds of recognisable photos and videos of him through his childhood. And we really don’t want him to be in a position where strangers are coming up to him asking if he’s Hannah Witton’s kid.
We’re not perfect parents. This is just one way we’re trying to do our best to keep our kid safe. I will be honest though, when it comes to people in the public eye, I struggle with a lot of conflicting feelings. On the one hand I know that every parent is doing their best and it’s totally up to them how they raise their kids and it’s none of my business, but on the other hand, I worry about the long term impact being a public baby/child will have on those kids, and then on my THIRD hand (stick with me), I love seeing cute photos and videos of people and their babies/kids online just living their lives and having a great time. And I still haven’t figured out of way of reconciling this beyond just sitting with it and minding my own business.
I wanted to say thank you to the vast majority of my audience who get it, and are really supportive of our decision to keep Rowan’s face offline. There’s been the odd comment here and there asking why or feeling a tad entitled but generally it’s way less than I was expecting to get based on other people’s experiences and so thank you for being such a chill bunch of people. I guess teaching sex ed online means cultivating an audience of people who really understand consent.
Are you a parent? How did you navigate social media when it comes to your kids? Anyone else also struggle with similar conflicting feelings about people sharing their kids online? (please be respectful!) Now we have the newsletter on substack there is a comments section where you can share your own thoughts which I'll be reading and responding to! 💛
✅ Mid Year Goals & Career Coaching - as per usual I’ve got my mid year goals check in video coming up soon and also recently I’ve been working through a few things with a career coach. I’m feeling really good about some projects we’ll be focusing on in the second half of the year - an ambitious experiment with the next season of the podcast and some new perks for Patrons 👀
💔 8 Signs Your Relationship Isn’t Working - loved this video from Anna Akana. She does such great videos summarising big ideas from books and therapy about love and relationships.
Did you know that your libido can be affected by a thyroid condition? Hypothyroidism is the most common!
This fun sex fact comes from Rachel Hill (she/her) who is a thyroid patient advocate and honestly, fair play to you Rachel using the Carnal Knowledge sex fact submission form to plug yourself! Respect.
If you’d like to share your own sex fact with the group (like a nerdy show and tell lol) then you can submit here!
🎭 Date Nights! - Dan and I recently had a date night out to the theatre to see some comedy when his mum was babysitting Rowan and we’ve also managed to have some sort of date nights playing board games at home recently. Dan supported the Binding of Isaac game on kickstarter aaaages ago and it arrived a month or so ago and we’ve actually found time in the evenings on occasion to play it and it’s great fun! Would recommend for parents too because it’s two players and really quick to set up and pack down.
I shared my annual revenue streams breakdown and talked about how maternity leave and working part time has impacted my finances (spoiler alert: negatively) and we talked about accessible sex toys! 💸🍆
If you'd like to support what I do, get detailed monthly reading lists of articles, videos and podcasts I've been enjoying and a welcome pack of specially designed desktop and phone wallpapers then check out The Common Room over on Patreon!
Thanks for reading, hope you're well!
All the best,
Hannah xxx
I think I have a slightly out of the ordinary experience (although I imagine some will relate). I was born in 2000 so although my early childhood didn’t have a lot of technology, my teens were heavily influenced by social media. My parents made me a Facebook when I was young as I had a parent that traveled for work. I’ve kept this account into adulthood. Over the years there are lots of posts and pictures about my experience as a child and teen and honestly it’s very embarrassing. Then add to this that I changed my name at 17 and have decided to use different pronouns and we’ve got a sticky situation. There’s so much out there about my deadname and a very established she/her identity. Anyone that I want to add to my life online can easily access this information and honestly it’s a part of my life I wish didn’t exist. I think keeping your child away from social media is a great decision based on my experience but it doesn’t really matter what I or anyone else thinks anyway. It’s about you and your family and your values.
I’ve been pondering this topic too lately. I think of Facebook friends that I’ve had on there since high school or early university. I should probably delete them because I don’t really consider us close or talk to them, but alas, they are still on there.
I may not have spoken to these people in over a decade, but I know their kid’s favourite colour, what grade they’re in, what school they go to, and graphic details of their latest illnesses. I feel like I shouldn’t know that as im not close enough to the person, but there it is, presented to me.
Also side note, I’m glad I’m old enough that my parents wouldn’t have posted all of my baby pictures and shared a bunch of stuff about me on the internet. I got annoyed enough when my mom told my grandparents on the phone about every little thing that happened to me, I’d hate to have it broadcasted on Facebook.