The Early Motherhood Trench
I feel myself coming out of it but I can’t wait to go back in
I feel like I’m finally coming out of the early motherhood trench. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not out yet but for the first time in 3 years I can see the top and occasionally, I touch it.
What do I mean by the early motherhood trench? These are those first few years when you are so in the weeds because you have a young baby or toddler who needs a lot physically and emotionally from you. This is not to say older children don’t need this but I’ve been told from 4 years + and when they are at school “it gets easier”. In the trenches you are breastfeeding, you are co-sleeping, you’re knee deep in nappies, your child is learning basic communication, you’re navigating naps and sleep schedules and multiple night wakings. You’re exhausted, your body doesn’t feel like yours, it’s all consuming, it’s isolating and private childcare is fucking expensive.
In the last year, instead of being back in the trenches with a newborn (as I had hoped) I’ve had the unexpected pleasure of glimpsing life on the other side. I stopped breastfeeding in April 2024 and then in May this year I stopped full time co-sleeping (this sleep transition is still a process but I actually sleep in my own bed at night now and have had a good handful of FULL NIGHTS’ SLEEP!) I have more of a life outside of parenting - I have hobbies, a social life (kind of, could be better) and my career. The freedom and independence I feel now is the closest it’s been since before I had a baby and ngl it does feel good. It doesn’t make me want a second baby any less, but it does help with emotionally navigating the disappointment of not being pregnant because I’ve had a minute to actually start to recover from early motherhood.
Recovering from early motherhood is no joke. Not just physically and mentally but for me recovering financially, socially, and emotionally are a huge part of it too.
So I’m no longer deep down at the bottom of the trench, I’m climbing out, I can feel the sun on my face. I’m a great mum and I have more energy for myself and others. This is the feeling I want to focus on when I’m feeling down bad about struggling to conceive. I may desperately want to be back in the trenches but for now I’m going to enjoy the sun.
📝 I’ve started a newsletter for content creators! FINALLY! After the business course I did at the beginning of this year I’m finally moving forwards with lots of ideas and plans, starting with the Creator Talks newsletter.
The newsletter is for ambitious and overwhelmed creators who want to feel fulfilled in their careers 🧡
If you want to stay up to date with interesting things happening in the creator economy in a way that doesn’t contribute to the overwhelm then sign up!
Newsletters will be short and sweet - just 3 things that I think are actually relevant and important for you to know. If I don’t have anything to share, I won’t bother you. Simple as that.
🎾 Wimbledon! When this newsletter is published I will be AT Wimbledon (court 3 so crossing my fingers it’ll be a dry day!) but I’m currently sat on my sofa writing this with Wimbledon on in the background and very much in my happy place.
Sticking with the tennis theme - I PLAYED TENNIS WITH JAMIE MURRAY (Andy Murray’s brother) and I wrote a bit about it in this instagram post and you can see more in this vlog (including Jamie saying “great volley” to me)
Don’t forget I do a livestream every month over on my Patreon! Come join us for a chill hour of chats, behind the scenes goss and updates, and the chance to ask me any of your questions!
I'd prefer to say that motherhood was more of a canyon than a trench. A lot of the time, with an infant, you can't see out the other side of the struggle. It can be the most physically demanding time, for sure. Then comes the toddler time, which has a whole new set of challenges. Then proper childhood and lastly the horror known as adolescence.
I have always said that proper parenting is a lot like proper leadership: do the best preparation, remove obstacles when you can ahead of time, provide the tools and training needed for success and then get the hell out of the way.
I was reminded recently of a teen memory: I'd been out having fun and I was supposed to call home, but I forgot. Then I remembered and called my mum. "Oh, I am so glad you called!" she said, "I was afraid the white slavers had gotten you. Of course, I wasn't terribly worried. I knew they wouldn't want to keep you."
You even sound cheerful in writing! :)